Russell Brand – read the article on his site
Or read the original here at NEWS OF THE WORLD with a lovely pic of Russell — NOTW
RB is a fantastic writer of humor. The thing is…he’s not writing humor…he’s writing about football. And football – England’s Barclay’s Premier League – is very funny. Ordinarily, it’s a comedy of errors , but in the last months, with horny satyr John Terry cutting a swathe through Wayne Bridge’s woman, it’s become a “comedy of eros”! And Wayne Bridge has taken offense to that, as he showed when he blanked England’s Brave John Terry during the handshake ritual at Chelsea vs. ManCity in February. Don’t even get me started on the managers! And so, this blog post by Russell Brand is hilarious and hysterically funny and rendered doubly funny by being bang-on true. I don’t know if he’s ever met Nick Hornby, but I would love to have them both over to dinner one night to talk about our London teams – Arsenal for Nick, West Ham for Russell, and Fulham for me. It would be pure football love. With none of the barbaric hooliganism of the ignorant. You might know everything about your team from day one, but if ripping someone’s face off because they’re for Charlton and you’re for Millwall is just retarded. If you want to fight, just fight. You don’t need to blame soccer for it, you nonce.
BEST BITS FROM RUSSELL’S POST:
I missed Gazza’s yellow card against Germany in 1990 because I was in the loo.
— That is so my life! I miss everything because my kidneys run my life and not me!
I didn’t say for example “Keep Wayne Bridge’s ex missus well away from Stamford Bridge”
–This one’s the money-shot, so to speak. My kidneys really expressed their pleasure over this line.
In history few men with great hair have been decent fighters and Mancini’s glorious silver summit looks like it could manage City without him and still find time to pick up chicks on it’s Vespa at the Trevi fountain. David Moyes on the other hand, comports himself as if he’s always on the precipice of nutting someone.
— I counted six in-joke wisecracks in this one sentence. EPIC! “Nutting”, by the way, means kicking someone in the …yeah, those.
I for one hope that Wayne Bridge changes his mind and joins the squad. The World Cup is once every four years, during that cycle a half-decent Premiership player could go through nine marriages.
— OMG! This is one of the truest statements ever uttered about sports ever!
Wenger with his intellectual continental airs and graces (by which I mean glasses)
— That is so me!! I write sarcastic remarks like that! This is so exciting!
- Wayne Bridge refuses John Terry handshake
- Cold, Sweet Revenge: Chelsea 2 Manchester City 4: match report